Friday, December 31, 2010

Some girl asked if how long for a pizza and then she was like "do you have meaty marijuana--i mean marinara? Hehh marijuana"
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Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Me to customer: Do you have 6 cents so I don't have to give you more change?
Customer: No

So I count out 94 cents and give it to the customer

Customer: Why are you giving me the change?
Me: You said you didn't have 6 cents
Customer: Oh, 6 cents. I thought you asked if I had a sixth sense.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

That's too much of a a hassle

I was working in electronics when some guy walks up to me and wants a price adjustment of an item he had purchased about three weeks ago. I explain that he can only get the price adjustment within 14 days of purchase. The only other option is to return the item and purchase another one at the sale price. He tells me that's too much of a hassle. I tell him he can go to the service desk, get the manager and see if they will do anything. Before he does that he asks me "What if I bought another one right now and returned the old one later?" Wait. Less than 20 seconds before he told me that was too much of a hassle.

either a great policy or a terrible one

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Wednesday, December 22, 2010

parent of the year

a friend of mine used to work with us a few years back. i guess he was ringing some woman up and she took her items and left. he then realized that the woman left her kid at the register. the kid looked at my friend and my friend looked back and shrugged. a few minutes later the woman came back yelling "OH SHIT I FORGOT JIMMY!!"
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this happened about a year or two ago. a guy brings over a huge pack of silver spoons to purchase. as i'm ringing them up he looks at me very seriously and goes "we lose A LOT of spoons in our house" this made me the hell do you lose spoons?
this happened about a week and a half ago but my pre-occupation with my own life and laziness has kept me from writting about it until now. i was wandering past the end of the check lanes on my way outside when i noticed someone rather odd checking out. he was a long haired heavy metal kid dressed in black with a band shirt, the odd bit was he had a sword a strapped to his back. i stopped breifly but then went on my way as i know nothing i would have to say would improve the situation and if i pissed him off i was not in possesion of a sword and the insuing duel would have been rather one sided. about ten minutes later while i was out in the lot i watched him remove the sword from his back, place it lovingly in the passenger seat and drive off. shortly there after i spoke with one of our crack security team regarding our shopper from middle earth as he was outside on break, i was not too shocked to learn that he hadn't even noticed the kid with the sword....

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

I just watched a guest blatently walk into a bathroom stall that had a sign which read "OUT OF ORDER". Hmm...
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you have a phone, do it yourself.

a guy called the electronics department and asked if we had zumba for wii. i told him we did not. he then asked if i could call another store for him to see if they had it. yeah ok:
1. i can't put you on hold
2. i'm not going to call every store to see if they have a game
3. you have a phone why don't you do it.

if he was in person i could have at least sent him to the service desk to have them call or if our registers weren't packed (it is super busy this time of year) i could have looked up what stores might have had the item that way, but it was too busy and he pissed me off by expecting me to call other stores. well i told him i couldn't do that and he got mad and hung up.

is that a scarf or a dead animal round your neck sir?

this guy came in and wanted popcorn, but not just any kind of popcorn, he wanted fresh hot popcorn. i told him i was in the process of refilling the container full of kernels to pop some but i was waiting on someone for that to happen. he asked me how long it would take, i told him anywhere between 7 to 20 minutes.

it wasn't what he wanted at all that makes me post this story, it was his neck.

he was a clean shaven guy, except for his neck. he had essentially a beard growing on his neck and i was doing my best not to stare at it. all i could think was 'why shave your face and not your neck, especially your front neck?' it actually bothered the crap out of me. maybe he didn't realize neck beards weren't fashionable, maybe he used it as a scarf instead. it was just odd. i've never seen a neck that hairy before.

he bothered my supervisor about the kernels (which my supervisor had come to fill anyway) and asked him if it would really take as long as i told him. my manager told him yes (the guy was pestering him) then walked away mumbling "why don't you take this time to go buy some razors to shave your neck you creepy fuck" i had to keep a straight face till the neck beard man left.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

To the lady who insisted on ringing up her own shit

I am the cashier, you are not. I have limited rights in corporate America. Do not abuse them. K thanx.

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Friday, December 17, 2010

You're right, I don't want to help you

Some woman asks me to call another store to see if they have a certain toy. She tells me what it is. Never heard of it, and she doesn't seem to sure that was what it was called anyway. I ask her if it is the weekly advertisement. She says yes. I drag out my copy and start thumbing through the pages. She stops me at a page and tells me that was it. Oh no wait, it wasn't it, but it was like that. So I call the store she wanted me to call and prepared to wait 45 minutes for an already overworked employee to crawl around looking for something that may not even be there. And if it is, probably it would be the wrong thing. I tell her nicely that the toy departments are very busy so it may take a little time. She gets her knickers in a twist and says "you obviously don't want to help me." You know what? You're right. I don't. I am one person trying to do a million things and none of them involved dealing with your lip. Now I have to wait on a big line of pissy customers that are so numerous and so pissed because she took up too much time.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

a woman comes up to return a bunch of shirts, with no reciept. she said a friend gave them to her for her birthday (one of the shirts still had a tag on it and it was a clearance tag (wow cheap ass friend)) so i started checking all the shirts to see if we carried any of them anymore in an attempt to do a non-reciept return. halfway through this grueling task, she goes "the other store was having the same problem too." i stopped, "you mean you tried to return them at a different store?" "Yes" she said "i figured you guys might be able to take them back, they said you might too" "mam" i said "our system is mostly universal so if one thing is no longer carried in one store, most other stores will no longer carry them either, the clerk at the other store was an idiot" i like that she waited till i was halfway done to tell me that.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

two girls come to order food, one skinny one and one fat one. they order two pastas. i ask if they want drinks or anything, they say no. i told them their pastas would be ready in 7 minutes. a few minutes later the skinny one asked if drinks and breadsticks came with their meal. "no" i said, "you just ordered pastas, so thats all you got charged for." "oh..." says the skinny one, "i thought we ordered combos, cause ya know thats what we thought we were ordering." "no, which was why i asked you guys if you wanted drinks and whatnot so i knew what you were ordering. these are important details" i explained. the skinny one told me i was giving her an attitude which pisdsed me off cause i wasnt, i was pointing out their error. then the fat one chimed in like a bitch "if you dont like where you work then dont work here." there were a million things i could have said back. i decided it was in my best interest not to say anything but to just glare at the both of them. maybe they should learn not to be ignorant asshats next time. dont mess with the person who makes your food cause they might not be as nice as me.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

I couldn't do a return for some uppity witch because her receipt was dated out of the return window. I explained this to her and she starts telling me our policy was illegal and she should know because she's a lawyer and she wants my manager. My manager comes over and this customer starts the same crap with her. I could tell the manager was in no mood to deal with it so she grabs her manager on the way by. Same deal. Except the head manager was actually able to get a word in edgewise and told this ever so charming person she could call the manufacturer. That seemed to pacify her. Maybe if she hadn't of turned the service desk into a scene from LA Law I would have been able to tell her that very same thing. There were way too many people being this way today.

"I don't mean to be a bitch, but..."

A guest comes to the service desk, and reports that she evidentally received less than satisfying service in Electronics with a TV. She has a survey to fill out...they're these STUPID things no one ever fills out, and us cashiers hardly ever bring attention to, because no one ever wants to fill them out... anyway, she asks about where she's supposed to do it (because they tell you to go to Guest Service) and I point out one of the computer kiosks. She then says she'll just do it at home. Then says, "I don't mean to be a bitch, but I just want to point out that some guy over in Electronics wasn't very helpful or friendly." Apparently she wanted help with a TV and this guy just showed her to where the TVs were and walked off. I told her that if she wanted to fill out a feedback card it might be more effective than the survey and she said no. She said she just wanted to tell someone at the store...RIGHT, because me and the other lady up here with me at Guest Service can really do anything besides absorb your bitch fit into our retail bitch fit data banks and honestly just make fun of you after you leave. She didn't even want a manager. Ignorant twot.

Monday, December 6, 2010

some woman tried to order a cheeseburger yesterday. i told her we don't make cheeseburgers, so she angrily pointed to the photo in the menu. "Mam," I said "that's a sausage egg and cheese breakfast sandwich" She then asked how long for chicken nuggets. I told her 7 minutes. So instead she ordered a pretzle and a hot dog. While I was on lunch the woman tried to tell the girl who was also working there that she ordered nuggets (I'm right behind her in line trying to buy food as well) and that the ones coming out of the oven were for her. I got mad because the tenders (no these were not even nuggets) were for a girl who had already payed for them who had been waiting patiently. I told the woman those were not nuggets and I never had charged her for nuggets either since she never said she wanted them when I asked, but if she wanted them she could pay now. She got mad and stormed off. I'm pretty sure she was trying to score free food.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Retail+Holidays= Hell On Earth

As the holidays draw closer the more I want to go Chernobyl. As in major meltdown. I got two customers today that make working this time of the year such a joy. One was just before my lunch break. A break I had to take a half an hour late because she wouldn't accept the refund as it was. I had to spend 3o minutes on the phone with three people in India to get the right code to give her the refund she wanted. The second twit that delayed my last break elevated the meltdown status to three mile island. She was told my someone that doesn't know the policy she could get a price adjustment. I couldn't do it because we can't adjust clearance. We can only return then repurchase. I had to get a manager involved. He tells me use the info on the receipt after telling the customer we aren't supposed to do that. So I spend 10 minutes typing in 11 9 digit numbers not once, but twice. Once for the return and once for the repurchase. She questioned everything I did, couldn't stand it when she was wrong or didn't understand, and copped an attitude the whole time. Then she goes and gripes to my manager. I get pulled to the side about the incident. I told him flat out she was just being pissy. And customers wonder why so many people in retail aren't happy.
Sometime back this woman wants to return a DVD. I tell her I can't because it was opened and all I can do is exchange it for the same item. She tells me she doesn't want the movie, that she hates it. The reason being she had a moral objection to the way an actor was portraying themselves in the film. Yeah, I am going to break the law and lose my job because you're one a moral high horse. On the the subject of morals I get another one today. I really couldn't get too mad at her because she was understanding, but why didn't it dawn on her that a PG 13 rated film could have swearing in it.

Monday, November 29, 2010

disclaimers on children.

I wish there was a disclaimer on children that would allow me to refuse a guest with spoiled children. "No, sorry your children are twots."
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Friday, November 26, 2010

Cat got your…?

A trashy-looking man approached the register mumbling loudly and not quite making words.

Me: I’m sorry sir?

Customer: (mumbles something incoherently)

Me: Sir…?


Me: I’m sorry?


Me: Are you saying… “no tongue?”

And sure enough, the customer opened his mouth as wide as he could, revealing that he had, in fact, no tongue.

And then the smell hit me.

I was reminded of the Simpsons episode where someone asks Barney whet crawled in his mouth and died, and his sincere response is, “It didn’t die.”

I don’t know if the loss of a tongue causes a medical condition where you have zombie breath, but the unrelenting odor that came out of his mouth was that of a decaying corpse. Maybe he just said “Fuck it, I’m not getting laid anyway,” and stopped brushing his teeth after he lost his tongue. I gagged and didn’t stop gagging until he left the store.

Good advice

I work at a liquor store. My co-worker is a 50 year old, 6 foot 2 ex-janitor who was forced into an early retirement. He’s not a happy guy. It’s also very much illegal for us to allow anyone to walk out of the store with booze after 11 p.m. (because the liquor laws in Massachusetts are insane). So when a customer came in 5 minutes after we closed…

Late Customer: Wait, wait! I just need one thing!

Co-worker: (Yelling) GO KILL YOURSELF!

The customer ran away screaming. The backroom dude and me couldn’t stop laughing.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

best repeat questions of the day:
"do you have any of the 40inch tvs in you black friday ad in stock yet?"
"Do you have any of the acer netbooks that are in your flier this week?" which were on sale for $179 and have been since Sunday, followed by "will you be getting any more in by the end of the sale?" not likely since it the last day of the sale, or "What do you mean i cant get a rebate" and best of all
"Is there any way i can put one of the tvs in your black Friday ad on hold so i dont have to wait?"

No means no

Customer: Can I ask you a question?
Me: No. I am on break.
Customer: It will only take a second.
Me: I am not allowed to assist with anything while I am on break.
Customer: I just have a general question
Me: Sorry. No. There are other employees on duty that can assist you.
And they proceed to pester me until I walk away or half ass point in a general direction

Really, what don't they get about being on break and not working.

This lady comes up to me and hands me a bag of open candy. She tells me she opened it to try it and it was gross and proceeds to walk away. Odd, I didn't know we were offering free samples now.

this car and my brief conversation with the little old couple who own it kinda made my day yesterday.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Anything goes

So one of the new guys was ringing up a game for a lady and her daughter the lady hands him a coupon, he tries to scan it in and it was rejected, so he turns to me. As im looking over the coupon to see why the lady in her infinite wisdom says "it says anything goes so why anything goes". To which i replied "ma'am Anything goes is a board game over in the toys department i can go get it for you if you would like". All upset know she replies "never mind i dont want it its too expensive" and it was only a $5 off coupon that was ripped from the board game page in the flyer. gotta love common fuckin sense
when an 85 yr old man is buying tighty whities with skull print patterns on them, you arent allowed to say anything

Monday, November 22, 2010

pee on the toilet seat in the WOMENS' bathroom.

Seriously, what the fuck? I know toilet seats can be gross in stores, and you squat...but why not clean your mess afterward? You wouldn't like it at your own home, don't do it to the throne I piss on at least once a day 5 days a week! What makes you think I honestly want to find it when I go to pee? WIPE THAT SHIT UP.

cold food.

They should put a disclaimer on the coolers in the market section that say, "TAKE ME OUT OF THIS COOLER, YOU BUY ME. All who choose not to follow said rule are sacrificed to Marduk."

The moral of the story, it pisses me off so much to find cold food stuck in a soda cooler, or a guest comes all the way to the register and hands me ice cream and says, "Oh, I'm not going to get this."

WE THROW IT OUT. Dumpster Divers take notice.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

of no real importance but i find as time goes on this song is the one stuck in my head more and more often.

This one rocket scientist calls the desk to ask how to get from one mall to ours. The whole phone call was an ordeal. My name tag doesn't say Tom Tom, so don't ask me for directions dingbat. Hell, even a computerized GPS would get ticked off at her.

Where is the other one?

A customer wants to exchange a defective item. I tell he she can go to the sales floor get the one she wants, but she needs to take the one she already purchased with her and bring it back to the desk with the new one since we cannot leave paid stuff up there. She comes back with the just the new one. If there is a way I can explain this any clearer can someone let me know?
Why do some people chew gum like they were raised by cows? Sorry, I take that back. Cows actually chew with more manners than this one girl I had to deal with.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

You figured out how to dial the phone...

the people at the home for the dumb must be so proud. I, however, am not so thrilled. Every person that called the desk today was a moron. So much so I think I have become allergic to stupid. Seriously. Every time they called and said something stupid I started sneezing.
this woman brings me her items, her reciept, and the sale tag from the sales floor. she tells me she got mischarged for two of her items. i try to quickly adjust the price, the register glitches and instead of giving her a refund total, tries to charge her $1.06. i call over the supervisor who said he had the same problem and instead to ring it in as a coupon. well something about that pissed this woman off so much she returned everything she bought telling me we were wasting her time. i told her she was wasting the food cause we had to defect all of it out. stupid.
i like when people think we are a different store. nope.

Monday, November 15, 2010

this woman came up to the service desk in tears saying her car and kids were missing . so we called security and the cops and got her plates and whatnot. she claimed she sent her kids out to see if her car go towed or not and she couldnt find them or the car and she didnt know how to use her cellphone either to call them. well long story short. the car was still there, the kids were there, she was crazy and they sent her back to the mental hospital.

why do you care if i know this person and who are you?

i rung up this guy in his 40-50s and he asked if i knew this girl and i said i did and he was like "i figured as much and left" who the hell just randomly assumes i know someone. he didnt even explain who he was and when i asked the person who he asked about they had no idea who they were and was creeped out. someone has a stalker
a woman was paying for a $10 item and gave me a $100. as soon as i opened my drawer, i realized i didnt have the change to break her $100. i saw she had some smaller bills and explained my situation and asked if she could give me anything smaller. she told me she couldnt because she was taking a cab. i told her she would have to wait then for my manager to bring me the proper change. she seemed peeved that she was going to risk missing her cab but if she was that concerned she would have had the cab driver break the $100, not me. she luckilly cheered up as soon as i gave her the proper change.
i went to give this woman her reciept and she snapped at me and told me she didnt want it. i pointed out that a) security could stop her without one and b) since sher payed cash she would not be able to get any refunds except store credit if she wanted to return anything. this pissed her off more so i said "fine, dont plan on returning anything"

Friday, November 12, 2010

A woman wants to know where shoe polish is. I tell her. She looks at me with this snotty expression and says " I highly doubt that's where it is." Ok, if you think you know where it is, just go there and leave me the hell alone. I don't get paid enough to deal with your attitude.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Are you sure it's yours?

When someone comes up to the desk and asks if I had a cellphone, car keys, or other item of value turned in I ask them to describe it. For two reasons. 1. Any given day we have several sets of keys, cellphones, etc up there. 2. I am not going to just hand over a phone or set of keys. So why is it when I ask them to describe their stuff, they can't. They see their cellphone everyday, same with their car keys and maybe their sunglasses. Yet they don't know what it looks like. Maybe it's me, but I can give a very detailed description of my property. I could even draw a picture if you want.

Monday, November 8, 2010

The Security Beep Phone Deactivation Mechanisms of Doom

This guy and girl come through my line, and buy a verizon prepaid phone. I activate it...regular procedure...honestly you can't sell a phone if it isn't activated, there's no mistakes unless you never ring up the damn thing...the register won't let you. People leave. Come back five minutes later.

"We just walked through the doors and the things beeped."
Me: "Don't worry about it, you're all set."

Those doors go off because of ANYTHING...piercings, jewelry, keys, ect... whenever they want. Sometimes they like me, sometimes they don't...personal experience.

Pardon horrible dialogue memory today, but basically they were paranoid that the beep deactivated this phone they bought and insisted that they'd had this problem before, and this was the second or third phone they had tried to buy from our store. SURE.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

so is the day that daylight savings time ends the day of horribly foul mooded people or is it just me?

Friday, November 5, 2010

so we have recently put a "people proofer" (barrier between customers and pizza so that they cant just grab the pizzas) up. people still try to grab pizzas anyway. we tell them no and explain why and ythey buy pizza and whatnot. ok anyways, we had one woman attempt to grab pizza and we told her we would give her the pizza as soon as she bought it. "YOU MEAN I HAVE TO PAY FOR THIS FIRST!?" she yelled thenstormewrd off. jeesh, whatd she think she was gonna get it for free?

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

If one more person tells me to not put defective items back on the sales floor, I will scream. I get the fact you got a damaged item. I understand that maybe it had been returned before and whomever did the return may not have checked it. But do not assume A. I am the person responsible or B. I am the type of person who doesn't check the items. Especially if I have already checked it, am defecting it out, and I am putting it in a bin to be destroyed. And do not keep repeating over and over that the item is broken. I heard you the first 100 times you said it.
so i'm stocking condiments in an ocd manner so that they'll look nice instead of as if someone just grabbed a handfull of them and placed them in their compartment. some lady looks at me as she's getting her coffee:
lady: why are you doing that? you realize its just going to be messed up
me: oh i know, but its a great way to kill time

Friday, October 29, 2010

i am pleased to announce that today i received a "final" written warning. i love my job.

what part of DO NOT USE confounded you?

There's a busted carriage sitting off to the side of the other carriages that has a piece of paper taped to the handle. In big, bold letters it says DO NOT USE. So what happens? Some broad and her demon spawn ask me if they can use it.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

the late night cougar.

There was this lady about a year ago, when I was still in school and working nights, that used to come in every thursday or friday night. She'd be my last guest of the night, and she'd always have at least $800 worth of housewares. The first time she came in she spent about two grand. She'd put it all on her debit card sketchy. She used to buy everything in pink. I think she was a stripper, or something...except she was at least 45. She had long bleach blonde hair, revealing clothing for her age, sunglasses, a big crown victoria (one night I saw her out in the parking lot jamming stuff inside it), and all I know is she had recently gotten divorced. The next day or so afterward, she would come back in and return half the stuff she bought the night before.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

An elderly lady walks up to me and says she forgot to use a coupon. I ask her for her receipt and the coupon. She hands them both to me, but the barcode for the coupon is missing. So I ask her where the other piece is. She looks at me dumbfounded and says "There's supposed to be a barcode?" I show her the part of the coupon where the rest of it used to be. To which she replies "That was dumb of me. I didn't know you need that part." So I apply the coupon anyway before it turns into her not going away until something is done. So I hand her back her receipts and the dollar. As she puts the receipts away she asks "Are you going to give me a dollar?" I says "I did, it's in your hand."

Monday, October 25, 2010

Two Geniuses Walk Up To The Counter..

Genius #1(pointing to a line on a gift registry): What does online only mean?

Me (wondering if I looked up moron in a dictionary if I would see this person's picture): It means the item cannot be bought in stores. It can only be bought from our website.

Genius #2: Are You serious?

Me: Yes.

Genius #2: Then I would have to pay shipping/handling and all that?

Me: Yes

Genius #2: That's the stupidest thing I ever heard.

Really? Then apparently you didn't hear you daughter ask me what online only means.
so i'm ringing these items up for this woman as she's loading the rest of her items onto the belt. suddenly i hear what sounds like a gunshot coming from my belt. i quickly turn to look and the 2 liter bottle of diet coke that was on the belt had fallen off (later i would find out from video tapes that it fell cap first) and exploded with such force that it was circling around the floor and then it sky-rocketed and hit the wall of the front of our store (and nearly hit the ceiling) and fell down dead. i broke out laughing and called someone over to grab cleaning supplies.
the mess was huge, but it made my day. only one person got hit with soda and she was pissed off. she acted like the woman in my line knocked the soda off the belt on purpose and returned all of her items because we wouldn't give her a refund for her bags getting slightly wet.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

we work with alot of emotionally unstable people.....should we all really be wearing tiny bullseyes on our chests? seems like asking for trouble.

Your "perfect" children.

This guy came through my line with his two sons. They had a ton of stuff. I'm taking the hangs off the pajamas, and one of the kids jumps up and sits on the bagging area counter. I said, "Can you get down please? Thanks. It's not safe for you to sit there, you could fall and get hurt, and Target would get in trouble." The kid gets down, I keep doing my shit. A few minutes later, he gets back up, I said, "I thought I asked you not to sit there." Apparently this was offensive. The guy said, "you have bad customer service, we're just going to leave. C'mon kids." I was like...HUH? He repeated it. I said, "WHAT, BECAUSE YOUR PERFECT KIDS ARE OBNOXIOUS? I'M DOING MY JOB AND THAT INCLUDES MAKING SURE THEY'RE SAFE." Jackass. I should have let your precious Johnny smash his face on the tile floor and break his nose...and I would have said, "well, you should have listened to me, Jackass."

Later I told my supervisor, and all she said was, "sometimes people are sensitive about that issue."

Why can't I find it?

Customer: I was online looking at some stuff and I came here to buy it, but can find anything.
Me: Ok, let's check the computer.

Checks online

Me: It's on online item only.
Customer: How do you know?
Me: Because it says online item only.
Customer: where?
Me: Right there.

i was headed to do something at a somewhat hurried pace when i was stopped.

-can i ask you one quick question?
-do you know what a dust ruffle is?
-yes, yes i do.

at wich point i smiled and walked off to finish whatever the hell it was i was doing.

Friday, October 22, 2010

The next thing they'll ask me for is world peace

Woman: I want some of the concentrated Lysol and you don't have any. Could you order some for me?
Me: Sorry, I can't.
Woman: Why not?
Me: Because we don't do that.
Now I really wanted to say because we are a discount retail chain, not a mail order company.

Another woman: I bought this DVD and another one but forgot to use my coupon and I don't have a receipt.
Me: I need the receipt and coupons are only supposed to be used on the same day.
Another woman: What am I supposed to do?
Me: Sorry, that's the policy.
What I really wanted to say was there were a million things you could have done. Like pay attention to the fact there was a coupon the day you bought it. Come back the same day and not waited around until after you had already given the dvd to the kid. Yeah, there's lots you could have done. None of which involved making this my problem.
a woman asked me if we had a womans restroom and i was so tempted to say no we just have a mens room

youd think youd know by now

there are these two women that come to our store once a week and every week this conversation happens:
women: how much is a small icee?
me: $1.25
women: oh, are there free refills?
me: no
women: since when?
me: since before ive worked here and ive been here a few years
they frown and buy their icees, i'll see them next week for the same conversaton.
i was on break walking around the store not wearing my work shirt shopping. i get stopped by a guy :
guy: excuse me, do you work here?
i was surprised he asked since i was wearing a shirt that looked nothing like our store uniform shirt. i was tempted to say no but didnt want him giving me a hard time as soon as i was back on the floor for lying to him.
me: yes, but i cannot help you right now because i am not on the clock
guy: why not?
me: because state labor laws say i cant
guy: really?
me: yes, i have to go now

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

This woman comes up to me with these storage bins in her carriage. She tells me she bought them and when she got home the lids are two small. Before I could even speak she says "You're going to have to have someone go get me some that fit. While waiting for the lids she tells me that she would have gone to get them herself, but she has back problems. So maybe you shouldn't have lifted them from your car and put them in a carriage. I call someone from that department only to be told we don't have anymore. She gets as fussy as a three year old who hasn't had a nap and wants my manager. So I get a manager. She stands there arguing with him say things like "It's not my fault this happened, blah, blah, blah." Well, yeah. It is actually. Because if you had matched up the lids before you left, you wouldn't be having this problem now. Anyway she rants on and on and asks for my manager's manager. She arrives and tries to smooth the situation over. Doing the whole "We're sorry about this." COME ON! Don't apologize for her stupidity and irresponsibility.

do not ask me about my tattoos if you are a moron

...and don't recognize the symbol.

I'm happy to answer questions about my piercings, tattoos, hair do's...whatever. My car symbol tattoos, however, I'm a little anal retensive about, because I feel like in the tattoo world, most people know if you have a car tattoo, it's for a good reason like you had a bad car accident, an incredibly good car, or someone you know died in a car accident (like my father). People who don't get this are morons on my books.

Chick: "Can I see your wrist tattoo, is it a Celtic symbol?"
Me: "No, it's the Toyota symbol."
Chick: "Oh."
My brain: YUP, AND THE OTHER ONE'S A CROSS" (not a chevy symbol)

Other good ones I've gotten, and answered..

"What happens if you're next car is a Ford?"
Me: "Well I guess I'll have to get a ford symbol tattooed on my right ass cheek/forehead!!"

"You like Chevys and Toyotas, huh?"
Me: "...."

Wow...that dumb? I'd rather get "I like your tattoo" and have someone be ignorant and think it's something else, rather than ask and rather offend me.

not funny just odd...

the other day while gathering carts there was one that contained a large trash bag full of assorted womens shoes, a bit strange in and of itself but it's the third time it's happened in the last few weeks. what the hell would possess someone to do such a thing even once let alone repeatedly? would it not be easier to throw them away or donate them?
a few years ago, a kid fell face flat out of a carriage. our supervisor at the time told us to ask all parents to have their children stay seated in the carriages.
so i was ringing up this lady who had three kids in the carriage. none of them were staying seated. i politely asked the lady to tell her kids to sit down, she gave me the nastiest look and after i rung her stuff up, she went to my supervisor and accused me of being rude and slamming her objects into bags.
the next woman i rang up was her friend, she asked me if i was always this polite, i said i try. she told me i should try harder cause i was a bitch. then b-lined it to the same supervisor who was dealing with the other woman and also accused me of slamming her objects.

well i guess it took looking at the security tapes to determine that these two ladies were both just out to get me cause i was doing my job.

if you don't like our coffee? why do you always buy it?

there's a woman who often comes to our store to buy a senior coffee. if its not a regular food service worker, she'll con them into believing our cappuccinos and hot chocolates are part of the senior coffee perk. no, you bought a senior coffee, not a senior cappuccino or a senior hot chocolate. well needless to say, she never likes our coffee, cappuccino or hot chocolate, and complains about it.
i caught her last time trying to get a cappuccino but did not say anything because she had gotten it while i was on break. the poor girl who dealt with her didn't realize that cappuccino did not count as a senior coffee, so when the woman complained she told her to wait for me to get back. i get back and my coworker explained to me the situation. i told her that the woman should not have gotten a cappuccino in the first place. i did not realize the woman was a constant offender.
there was nothing wrong with the cappuccino machine, she was just an idiot.
well anyways, yesterday i come back over to the food area while i was on my break to tell my coworker that i was going to ask our supervisor if she could stay over there longer so i could get things done. big mistake, i come over to find that same woman complaining about coffee again. well atleast she got a 'senior' coffee this time. as soon as she saw me she pointed at me and said "you usually make the coffee, why are there so many coffee grinds in the coffee? this is disgusting!" i actually did not make the coffee, new guy did and he probably didn't notice. she demanded i made new coffee. i told her i couldn't because i was not working. i told her if the grinds were an issue she could try filtering them out, she turned that idea down because i guess the coffee was 'too dark'. she kept insisting that i was the one to help her, i told her over and over again i couldn't cause i was not working and then left. i guess she ended up getting a food refund but it agravated me because she has done this multiple times. the icing on the cake was when she was telling other customers that they shouldn't buy our coffee as we were making a new batch.

Monday, October 18, 2010

habitual offenders

There's these two women who pull the same routine every time. One buys stuff than constantly tries to return it without a receipt. It always winds up turning into an ordeal. Today, she came in and has done so many non receipt returns, she couldn't do it. Guess who had to break the news to her? The trainee that was up there. Then there's the other one that always buys clearance stuff. So when she returns it, someone has to match up all the new clearance tags or has to defect the stuff out. When one is doing the job of three people already, this the last thing they need.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

i could hear this from our electronics dept. it was a little girl and her dad.
girl: UH OH...daddy i gotta go!!
girl: NO!! HURRY DADDY!!!

the guy booked it to the bathroom with his shopping cart with the little girl panicking in the cart about going in her pants. i think they made it ok.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

a couple came over to order food from our cafe area. they asked if they could order hot dogs. i appoligized and said that the hot dog machine was broken so we couldn't sell hot dogs. they then asked to order sausage. i once again pointed out (this time pointing to the machine that cooks hot dogs and sausages which had nothing on it) and explained that the machine is broken so we were unable to make any. they then stormed off as if it was my fault the machine was broken.
i was finishing up a transaction for a lady and her (i'm guessing 3 years old) daughter. after everything was said and done, the lady told her daughter to thank the lady (me).

"THANKYOU DADDY!!!" the little girl exclaimed with a huge smile on her face.
"woah! that's not daddy!" the woman told her daughter and i burst out laughing.

yeah, apparently either i'm a dad, the girl has a dad that looks like me, or the girl doesn't know what her dad looks like.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

i rung up a guy who was buying a birthday card for his dad. it was a card that looked like a beer mug. i chuckled at it and told the guy he had good taste in birthday cards and sent him on his way.

about maybe an hour or two later, i get called over because i got a telephone call.

"who the hell would call me at work?" i wondered to myself and picked up the call
"hey its keith (i forget his name), i bought the beer birthday card."
"oooh yeah, i remember you..."
"so i was wondering what you were doing when you get out of work...wanna go out for dinner or something?"
"um yeah... i've got...plans. with. my. boyfriend." (i didn't really my boyfriend at the time was living in new york, but i felt it necessary to make it clear i was taken)
"ohh, well if that ever changes give me a call here's my number *gave me his number*"
"ok, great...thanks" *hang up*

i never wrote down his number, nor have i ever seen nor heard from him again after that moment. he had balls to call up a store to ask out a girl he just barely met, i'll give him that but that was pretty weird.

i didn't even know we carried these

this father and 10 yr old son were putting items on the belt as i was ringing them in. after everything was said and done, i told the man the total price to which he looked puzzled by how expensive it turned out to be. he asked me what was so expensive that he bought. i started reading off the items he bought, shoes, deodorant, handsaw. he stopped me at handsaw.

"i did not buy a handsaw, how did a handsaw get into my carriage?"

at that point his son looks up at him with a grin and goes "don't worry daddy, i'll pay you back!"

the man stood there dumbfounded at what his son just said, recomposed himself and told his son he was not getting a handsaw.

well needless to say, his son was not pleased at this and started throwing a temper tantrum. the man threatened his son that he would be punished if he did not knock it off. he then apologized to me for his son causing a scene and as he was leaving said "what the fuck is a 10 year old going to do with a handsaw anyway!?"
an elderly woman wanted to return a pack of undies because she did not want colorful ones, she wanted neutral ones but she bought the color ones because we were currently out of stock for neutral ones (why didn't she just wait for us to carry the one she wanted in the first place). i guess according to her, she had been attempting to just buy neutral undies for a while. she brought me both packages and asked if she could just swap them.
i told her she needed a receipt for an even exchange. she told me she lost the receipt a while back and that she just wanted the other package. i asked her how she had payed for it and she said cash so the only thing i could do now is return the other pair with her drivers license.
it also did not help that the woman was hard of hearing so i had to say everything twice loudly. anyways she goes into her purse and pulls out a library card or something that wasn't a drivers license or a state id. i told her again i needed a drivers license.
"OH THEY TOOK THAT AWAY FROM ME YEARS AGO!" she exclaims. *facepalm* i shrugged my shoulders and just let her take the other pair cause my supervisor gave the ok.
i once had a guy come up to me a the service desk asking me to call him a cab. i asked him if he had the number for the cab service and he was like "i dunno dude, i'm on a completely different planet right now" at that point i sighed and pulled out the phonebook to find him a cab.

from the cashier who didn't know purchase orders even existed anymore.

The other day I spent 40 minutes with a couple of customers who were using purchase orders. It was about half an hour before my shifted ended that they came to my register with two TWO DEUX 2 II (2) carriages full of CRAP. They had three purchase orders of $200 or something that they could not go over...meaning they had to do three separate transactions. Purchase orders must be so out of date, these people did not know how to use them properly either.

In order for me to process this purchase order, I got my supervisor, who also did not know how to do a purchase order. She had to go find a BOOK on it, or something. So I started ringing up these people's stuff...which I guess they should have prioritized what they wanted. I brought an order up to around $200, and suspended it, to start on the next one.

My supervisor came back, with this BOOK which actually had a barcode in it that I scan and it makes a purchase order. With said supervisor, was also another, and a cashier who's training to become a supervisor. We did the order I was currently working on, and then went back to do the one I suspended. When we scanned the suspend slip, a receipt which had 21 items on it, and was around the said $200 spending budget, only had one item on it for $24.99. Um, WTF? The people had already put this stuff in the carriage, all mixed in with the other stuff. So we (me and the three supervisors) had to go through all the bags and decide what was already paid for and what was not. We found all the stuff...what we found, did not equal what was on the suspend slip...not even close. We said, "oh well," and scanned more stuff to make it $200.

It's now the end of my shift, and I am still playing this game.

Onto the third purchase order, they had too much CRAP they still needed and could not decide what they wanted to purchase and not purchase. This is the best part...


No can do. They did not understand, and of course me neither, really, because in my three years of retail experience, I had never done a purchase order. Apparently you can't void a purchase order. They didn't understand this, and asked several times more. Somehow it was my fault, of course, because it's never the customer's fault. Ten minutes go by, and they get frustrated, and just take what they've paid for and leave.

I get "great job." Go home. Drink Parrot Bay.
today while wandering the outside of the mall as i do, a woman stopped me to ask directions. she was standing at the curb and pointed at the storefront pictured and asked "is that panera?"
after a breif moment of dumbfounded silence the following conversation occurred:
-"no, it isn't"
-"are you sure?"
-"yeh, i'm pretty sure"
-"how can you tell?"
-"i gotta go"
at wich point i wandered off as she continued to talk but i was no longer paying attention.
that being said, there was another woman who tried to return something from a few months ago and when i told her that her reciept had expired she was like "I DIDN'T KNOW RECIEPTS CAN EXPIRE!!"
a customer tried to return an item from three years ago. i asked her if she had realized this and her answer was "oh! well i found it when i was cleaning out my closet." i told her we couldn't take it back because her reciept was way too old and the item was no longer in our system. to this she stormed off pissed.
and then there's the uber ghetto people who bring a bunch of stuff up to the register and then they don't want half of it cause its over $5
this one time i was closing my register and a customer started walking into it. i said, "i'm sorry mam, but i'm closed." she replied, "oh that's ok!" and started putting her items down on the belt. to this i responded, "no, mam. this register is closed and i'm going home." and walked off.
if i had a dollar for everytime a person didn't understand how to use their debit as a credit card because they didn't read the bottom of the screen, i'd be rich

Monday, October 11, 2010

i hate

people who ask you when youre standing at a register with your light on if your open. of course the second you close your register to go either on break or home, they will come right to your register in a heartbeat assuming you are open for business.
so a customer walks up to me and asks "excuse me, do you work here?" to this i am always tempted to reply "no, i just like to pretend i do and dress like someone who does." to make things even better after i say yes, they ask me where the bathroom is, to which i have to point directly behind them because they are standing infront of it