classy...

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I'm pretty sure there's a dude in the women's bathroom right now, in the handicapped stall.

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man does shopping for his extreme couponing wife, in exchange to watch the ball game.

Near the end of my shift today, and older man (not elderly, but older than middle aged) came through my register. He had a bunch of stuff in his cart, and enough coupons to match. I didn't say anything abnormal...you know the regular, "Hi, how are you today?" He answered, "You know, I've got to tell you, I'm shopping for my wife. I'm doing this for her so I can watch the ball game in peace." He went on explaining that he's a good husband because of this...if I'm married, if I have kids...that whole speech. Married. No kids for me, thanks dude.

$800 worth of CRAP later...six thousand some odd coupons are handed to me. Whatever...I've seen this "extreme coupon" shit before. No worries. I am thorough...I do my job.

Somewhere in the middle of this he shares that he thinks the prices in the store I work at are overpriced, but again, he went here because his wife asked him. I replied to him that I thought our prices are better than local competitors and our stuff is better quality. This offended him. 1. I work here, aren't I supposed to like the product? 2. Our shit really is better. 3. What's the matter? Such an old fucking fart you can't stand an opposing view? Whatever...continued scanning coupons.

Some coupons don't work...so I ask him "did you buy [two of said item]?" Things like that. I read the coupons to make sure he's got everything. Some coupons are expired. Some manufactorer's coupons don't have both barcodes...the one they are missing is the one that we are supposed to use. He was offended by this I guess, but I didn't see anything wrong. I continued what I was doing.

Get the total, he saved himself something like $100. The total was $710 and some change. By this point he decided I was a moron. He counted out $700 in twenties and tens on the counter. I picked it all up and counted it three times myself. He was off. My manager sensed something was strange at my register and came over. He counted, and confirmed it was only $630. There was small talk between me and my manager, "how much does he have?" "six hundred and thirty or something..." This was also upsetting to him, he thought I wasn't taking it seriously and I was careless. He gave me the other $70 or so. Continued to lecture me about customer service. How I'm bad at cashiering, he's the reason I have a job, blah blah blah. Finally left. I expressed the need for whiskey.

Ok dude. You're full of shit. You're one of those people who thinks people who work in retail and food service are the scum of the Earth. I can tell. You're lucky I didn't see in you in the parking lot after I punched out.

can you hear me now?

Verizon just called and asked if our phones worked

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apparently the devil shops here

this little gem was told to me by someone else.  one of their co-workers had a customer who was an exorcist and was in full attire and said to her "here is my number if you need to call me" then left, and the next order she did came out to $666.  she freaked, then she went to her car to talk on the phone and her rosarie beads broke.    its pretty bizzare, why would an exorcist give her his # and then the next transaction came to $666 and her rosarie beads broke...  coincidence?  i think not!

also he laminated this and gave it to her

theres too much free time on your hands buddy

there was a guy dressed up as a ninja going around our store jumping out at customers and scaring them while his buddy was filming it all.  security chased em out.

but...you called me

some guy called the office and i answered and said my required greetings and he was like "WHO'S THIS!?" and so i once again repeated my name and he was like "WHAT COMPANY IS THIS!" and once again i told him the company name and he was like "WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME!?" fighting back laughter i was like "no, you called me!  and who is this?" he didnt' tell me his name but he was like "you called my number and i wanted to see who was calling.  what does your company do?"  "patents and trademarks" i told him and he said "oh...no i don't know nothin bout that" and hung up...yup

I've already called them.

A customer calls and tells me she has a defective item. After rambling on about how it is broken, she tells me she bought it last summer. I inform her that past a certain period of time we can no longer return or exchange it that she would have to call the manufacturer. She claims she already did and they told her to return it to the store. I tell her they were unaware of the store policy, but we cannot return it. My last option to to give her the manufacturer number and a customer relations number. She wants the manufacturer number and a manager. My manager tells this person the same thing and provides her with the number. Wait, what does she need to the manufacturer number for if she has already called them? Did she lose it between then time she called them and the time she called the store. Could be. Did she contact them through another means? Perhaps. E-mail? Maybe. The power of her mind? Hell no. Or maybe she didn't call them at all and she figured the store would bend over backwards.

This is like work

A woman wants to make an exchange, but she has no receipt and no clue how she paid for the item. I tell her I can try to swap it out using her ID. She goes off to get the new item and returns sometime later. I ask her for her ID and she tells me it's in the car. She then proceeds to tell me to forget it, she'll return it elsewhere because this was too much like work. Hey dingbat, if it's that much of an effort let me give you some advice. NEXT TIME BRING YOUR WALLET/PURSE WITH YOU!!!!!!

NO SAUCE?! WELL FORGET IT THEN!

one of our machines broke, it happened to be the one that kept breadstick sauce hot so we could serve it to people.  because of this we had no sauce for a while.  people would come up to order breadsticks and we'd explain that we had no sauce for them and offered substitutes.  some people were ok with that.  others were like "well i can't eat that without sauce!"

one person tried to get me to give them pizza sauce, i explained that i couldn't give her pizza sauce because its cold and not the same sauce and we cant serve it.  she insisted that because she wanted it i should give it to her, she even offered to pay more.  i explained that we were not allowed to sell it to her.  she asked me to call my manager, i call my manager, he tells her the exact same thing.  her answer was "well how am i supposed to eat them without sauce?"  and then left.  i didn't realize marinara sauce was a key essential to eating garlic breadsticks.  geez.

Today an older man came through my line. He had done a return at another store of the same company, and said he had credit on his store charge card. No problem...I really don't care as long as your card goes through and is approved. He wanted to make sure he wasn't going to get a bill. Does he not know how credit card work? It ended up being something like he thought he was going to cancel out his return credit by purchasing something new, and that he wasn't going to get a bill for it.. huh? Then after the transaction went through, he noted that the on his card and what his total was from our transaction, was a dollar difference...he wanted to pay the dollar in cash... I sent him to the guest service desk. Enough. I'm still not even sure how this worked out in his brain.

This gem was told to me by an fellow employee after I had sent the customer to electronics. The customer was looking for a phone. She found the aisle, pulls an employee over and asks for land line phones. She's standing right in front of them. The employee politely points them out. This customer kept insisting they weren't the phones that you find in your house, while the employee tried to convince her they were. I don't know if she bought anything, but if she did it's being returned. Not that there was anything wrong with it that she would know of as she probably wouldn't even know how to open the box.

"I'm alright, THANKS FOR ASKING"

So this lady comes through my line with two coffee mugs. She informed that one "sliced her finger." I looked at it and noticed it was broken, and put it aside...it happens, you know? She then says, "Yeah, I'm alright though, thanks for asking," in the bitchiest tone she could fester. I'm sorry, was I supposed to drop my knees and beg for you to allow me to kiss it better? Sorry you're not getting laid this Valentine's Day, but don't take it out on me.

It has no cord

Customer #1: We need two blenders, this is the only one on the shelf and the person back there already said you have no more in the store, can we have the floor model even though it has no cord.

Me: We don't sell floor models

Joker who was with customer #1: Can we just take it even though it has no cord?

Me: No, What good is it unless you plan on installing a new cord?

Joker with customer #1: Can I steal it?

Me: No, security will stop you. And it has no cord.

Joker with customer #1: Can I take it out of the garbage?

Me: No.

Joker looks as customer #1: We'll just have to get another kid of blender.

Me after they left: Yeah one with a cord might help.

oh no not the underwear and hot dogs!

A guest comes through my line with some cold food and underwear. The cold food bag was full so I put the hotdogs in with the underwear. It's cold out so I figure no big deal. BIG DEAL. A perfectly sealed bag of oscar meyer wieners can infect undies. Especially since they're precooked and all...big coniption fit.

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This girl comes up to me and is like "can i have a cup?"
And im like "for...."
Girl "coke"
Me "size?"
Girl "small"
Me "yes. $1.36 please."

I could have given her a cup i guess, but then tell her she couldnt use it.

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I know diet coke sucks...but wow..really?

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(i get mad when i'm on my break not wearing our uniform and people ask me if i work here and i just tell them no so they'll leave me be)

woman: excuse me, do you work here?

me: no

woman: oh i'm sorry!! i assumed you did because you're not wearing a coat.

i thought to myself *maybe i could be one of those people who's never cold*

"You look bored/lonely..."

"So I'll give you something to do." [Customer comes, ruins my hard work at doing nothing]

Why mistake my down time for boredom/loneliness? God. Fuck off.