A trashy-looking man approached the register mumbling loudly and not quite making words.
Me: I’m sorry sir?
Customer: (mumbles something incoherently)
Customer: OOULGH UUNGH!
Me: I’m sorry?
Customer: OOULGH UUNGH! OOULGH UUNGH!
Me: Are you saying… “no tongue?”
And sure enough, the customer opened his mouth as wide as he could, revealing that he had, in fact, no tongue.
And then the smell hit me.
I was reminded of the Simpsons episode where someone asks Barney whet crawled in his mouth and died, and his sincere response is, “It didn’t die.”
I don’t know if the loss of a tongue causes a medical condition where you have zombie breath, but the unrelenting odor that came out of his mouth was that of a decaying corpse. Maybe he just said “Fuck it, I’m not getting laid anyway,” and stopped brushing his teeth after he lost his tongue. I gagged and didn’t stop gagging until he left the store.