can you hear me now?

Verizon just called and asked if our phones worked

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apparently the devil shops here

this little gem was told to me by someone else.  one of their co-workers had a customer who was an exorcist and was in full attire and said to her "here is my number if you need to call me" then left, and the next order she did came out to $666.  she freaked, then she went to her car to talk on the phone and her rosarie beads broke.    its pretty bizzare, why would an exorcist give her his # and then the next transaction came to $666 and her rosarie beads broke...  coincidence?  i think not!

also he laminated this and gave it to her

theres too much free time on your hands buddy

there was a guy dressed up as a ninja going around our store jumping out at customers and scaring them while his buddy was filming it all.  security chased em out.

but...you called me

some guy called the office and i answered and said my required greetings and he was like "WHO'S THIS!?" and so i once again repeated my name and he was like "WHAT COMPANY IS THIS!" and once again i told him the company name and he was like "WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME!?" fighting back laughter i was like "no, you called me!  and who is this?" he didnt' tell me his name but he was like "you called my number and i wanted to see who was calling.  what does your company do?"  "patents and trademarks" i told him and he said "oh...no i don't know nothin bout that" and hung up...yup

I've already called them.

A customer calls and tells me she has a defective item. After rambling on about how it is broken, she tells me she bought it last summer. I inform her that past a certain period of time we can no longer return or exchange it that she would have to call the manufacturer. She claims she already did and they told her to return it to the store. I tell her they were unaware of the store policy, but we cannot return it. My last option to to give her the manufacturer number and a customer relations number. She wants the manufacturer number and a manager. My manager tells this person the same thing and provides her with the number. Wait, what does she need to the manufacturer number for if she has already called them? Did she lose it between then time she called them and the time she called the store. Could be. Did she contact them through another means? Perhaps. E-mail? Maybe. The power of her mind? Hell no. Or maybe she didn't call them at all and she figured the store would bend over backwards.

This is like work

A woman wants to make an exchange, but she has no receipt and no clue how she paid for the item. I tell her I can try to swap it out using her ID. She goes off to get the new item and returns sometime later. I ask her for her ID and she tells me it's in the car. She then proceeds to tell me to forget it, she'll return it elsewhere because this was too much like work. Hey dingbat, if it's that much of an effort let me give you some advice. NEXT TIME BRING YOUR WALLET/PURSE WITH YOU!!!!!!

NO SAUCE?! WELL FORGET IT THEN!

one of our machines broke, it happened to be the one that kept breadstick sauce hot so we could serve it to people.  because of this we had no sauce for a while.  people would come up to order breadsticks and we'd explain that we had no sauce for them and offered substitutes.  some people were ok with that.  others were like "well i can't eat that without sauce!"

one person tried to get me to give them pizza sauce, i explained that i couldn't give her pizza sauce because its cold and not the same sauce and we cant serve it.  she insisted that because she wanted it i should give it to her, she even offered to pay more.  i explained that we were not allowed to sell it to her.  she asked me to call my manager, i call my manager, he tells her the exact same thing.  her answer was "well how am i supposed to eat them without sauce?"  and then left.  i didn't realize marinara sauce was a key essential to eating garlic breadsticks.  geez.

This gem was told to me by an fellow employee after I had sent the customer to electronics. The customer was looking for a phone. She found the aisle, pulls an employee over and asks for land line phones. She's standing right in front of them. The employee politely points them out. This customer kept insisting they weren't the phones that you find in your house, while the employee tried to convince her they were. I don't know if she bought anything, but if she did it's being returned. Not that there was anything wrong with it that she would know of as she probably wouldn't even know how to open the box.

It has no cord

Customer #1: We need two blenders, this is the only one on the shelf and the person back there already said you have no more in the store, can we have the floor model even though it has no cord.

Me: We don't sell floor models

Joker who was with customer #1: Can we just take it even though it has no cord?

Me: No, What good is it unless you plan on installing a new cord?

Joker with customer #1: Can I steal it?

Me: No, security will stop you. And it has no cord.

Joker with customer #1: Can I take it out of the garbage?

Me: No.

Joker looks as customer #1: We'll just have to get another kid of blender.

Me after they left: Yeah one with a cord might help.

This girl comes up to me and is like "can i have a cup?"
And im like "for...."
Girl "coke"
Me "size?"
Girl "small"
Me "yes. $1.36 please."

I could have given her a cup i guess, but then tell her she couldnt use it.

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(i get mad when i'm on my break not wearing our uniform and people ask me if i work here and i just tell them no so they'll leave me be)

woman: excuse me, do you work here?

me: no

woman: oh i'm sorry!! i assumed you did because you're not wearing a coat.

i thought to myself *maybe i could be one of those people who's never cold*

Some girl asked if how long for a pizza and then she was like "do you have meaty marijuana--i mean marinara? Hehh marijuana"

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Me to customer: Do you have 6 cents so I don't have to give you more change?

Customer: No

So I count out 94 cents and give it to the customer

Customer: Why are you giving me the change?

Me: You said you didn't have 6 cents

Customer: Oh, 6 cents. I thought you asked if I had a sixth sense.

That's too much of a a hassle

I was working in electronics when some guy walks up to me and wants a price adjustment of an item he had purchased about three weeks ago. I explain that he can only get the price adjustment within 14 days of purchase. The only other option is to return the item and purchase another one at the sale price. He tells me that's too much of a hassle. I tell him he can go to the service desk, get the manager and see if they will do anything. Before he does that he asks me "What if I bought another one right now and returned the old one later?" Wait. Less than 20 seconds before he told me that was too much of a hassle.

either a great policy or a terrible one

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parent of the year

a friend of mine used to work with us a few years back. i guess he was ringing some woman up and she took her items and left. he then realized that the woman left her kid at the register. the kid looked at my friend and my friend looked back and shrugged. a few minutes later the woman came back yelling "OH SHIT I FORGOT JIMMY!!"

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this happened about a year or two ago. a guy brings over a huge pack of silver spoons to purchase. as i'm ringing them up he looks at me very seriously and goes "we lose A LOT of spoons in our house" this made me wonder...how the hell do you lose spoons?

this happened about a week and a half ago but my pre-occupation with my own life and laziness has kept me from writting about it until now. i was wandering past the end of the check lanes on my way outside when i noticed someone rather odd checking out. he was a long haired heavy metal kid dressed in black with a band shirt, the odd bit was he had a sword a strapped to his back. i stopped breifly but then went on my way as i know nothing i would have to say would improve the situation and if i pissed him off i was not in possesion of a sword and the insuing duel would have been rather one sided. about ten minutes later while i was out in the lot i watched him remove the sword from his back, place it lovingly in the passenger seat and drive off. shortly there after i spoke with one of our crack security team regarding our shopper from middle earth as he was outside on break, i was not too shocked to learn that he hadn't even noticed the kid with the sword....

you have a phone, do it yourself.

a guy called the electronics department and asked if we had zumba for wii. i told him we did not. he then asked if i could call another store for him to see if they had it. yeah ok:

1. i can't put you on hold

2. i'm not going to call every store to see if they have a game

3. you have a phone why don't you do it.

if he was in person i could have at least sent him to the service desk to have them call or if our registers weren't packed (it is super busy this time of year) i could have looked up what stores might have had the item that way, but it was too busy and he pissed me off by expecting me to call other stores. well i told him i couldn't do that and he got mad and hung up.

is that a scarf or a dead animal round your neck sir?

this guy came in and wanted popcorn, but not just any kind of popcorn, he wanted fresh hot popcorn. i told him i was in the process of refilling the container full of kernels to pop some but i was waiting on someone for that to happen. he asked me how long it would take, i told him anywhere between 7 to 20 minutes.

it wasn't what he wanted at all that makes me post this story, it was his neck.

he was a clean shaven guy, except for his neck. he had essentially a beard growing on his neck and i was doing my best not to stare at it. all i could think was 'why shave your face and not your neck, especially your front neck?' it actually bothered the crap out of me. maybe he didn't realize neck beards weren't fashionable, maybe he used it as a scarf instead. it was just odd. i've never seen a neck that hairy before.

he bothered my supervisor about the kernels (which my supervisor had come to fill anyway) and asked him if it would really take as long as i told him. my manager told him yes (the guy was pestering him) then walked away mumbling "why don't you take this time to go buy some razors to shave your neck you creepy fuck" i had to keep a straight face till the neck beard man left.